Earlier, i had a good conversation with my mom, as we were lying on her bed... Honestly, there were a lot of feelings going on in me... I felt scared, i felt excited, i felt really sad, i felt confused, i felt neglected, i felt lazy, i felt sick and weak... but what is weird, is that the only feeling i would like to recognize is that the feeling of happiness... i don't want to believe that i have other negative feelings going on in me... i don't want to embrace such feeling of failure and devastation.. I don't want to accept that i am sad, angry, confuse, scared... I try to SHUT DOWN any negativism. But i do know that it still conquers me and my spirit and soul... it manifests... but i don't want it...
And that confused me more... WHY?? Why am i afraid to say that i have these silly emotions going on.. why can't i tell anyone this pain, these sorrow, these unpleasant state... The weird thing is, i really can't identify also what's going on... why am i feeling these thus i have to crash it out from my system cause it would just affect my positive and optimistic outlook...
I don't know now if i should keep things to myself or should i blurt it out to anyone who can understand me. In the first place, i don't know what is the source of this anxiety...
I don't really know... >.< pain tries to squeeze in in my system again... torturing my minute self-concept. Fragile as i am... i hope to see myself differently.. cause even if i shout to the world all of these ambiguity, i have already learned that i live for myself... and the only way to maintain sanity and survive life is to help myself... alter ones mindset and stand firmly amidst all the obstacles in life. I can never blame my downfall to anyone... nor live my life loving others because of what they have done for me. I need to live on my own... cause i am the only one who can help myself.. no one else.
SHUT UP SELF...
- Sunday, November 21, 2010
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
This policy is valid from 12 July 2009
This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. For questions about this blog, please contact i-am-tammy.blogspot.com
This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation.
The compensation received may influence the advertising content, topics or posts made in this blog. That content, advertising space or post may not always be identified as paid or sponsored content.
The owner(s) of this blog is compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. Even though the owner(s) of this blog receives compensation for our posts or advertisements, we always give our honest opinions, findings, beliefs, or experiences on those topics or products. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the bloggers' own. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer, provider or party in question.
This blog does contain content which might present a conflict of interest. This content may not always be identified.
To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org
1 comments:
i like this post ;)
Post a Comment